Good Times are Consensual

We seriously never imagined the day when we would be giving a shoutout to Playboy for its perspective about sex. But the day is here, and we're all about Playboy's Top Ten Party Commandments for a Consensual Good Time.

As we've talked about before, many behaviors, attitudes, and words on college campuses across America are conducive to a rape culture. But as Playboy puts it, "Consent is all about everyone having a good time. Rape is only a good time if you’re a rapist. And f@¢# those people."

Why does this matter to you as a fraternity leader?

Let's think about the overall perception of fraternity men. There are a lot of uninformed people out there who think we're all rapists. But, just like the examples Playboy's list gives, there are many ways for men to stand against rape. 

Fraternity men at Northwest Missouri State University, the University of Iowa, Ohio University, Washington University in St. Louis, Wittenberg University, and countless other universities are leading the way in efforts like A Walk in Her Shoes and No Woman Left Behind.

In fact, a recent study finds fraternity men have lower levels of hyper-masculinity, a predictor of sexual aggression, than unaffiliated male students. We're not saying we're perfect by any means, but the current sexual assault education fraternities receive should serve as a catalyst for fraternity men to educate their entire campus communities.

Not sure where to start? There are plenty of creative ideas in Playboy's list, or you can look into national movements like Men Can Stop Rape and One Student.

If the Hef can take a stand for a consent, we're pretty sure you can, too.

Editor's note: We've recently discovered that this article is a hoax by the group FORCE: Upsetting Rape Culture and was not published by Playboy. But that does not detract from these great ideas, and the group's ideas are spot on.

It's Not Just Us

Fraternity/sorority members leading the charge at Marshall University

September is the month that holds Hazing Prevention Week, and with that comes a bunch of articles, blogs, and social media posts about preventing hazing in fraternities and sororities.

Many of you feel singled out by #NHPW and are quick to bring up the argument that it's not just fraternities and sororities. Trust us, we feel ya on this one.

After a two-year suspension, the Florida A&M band has returned, and in the past week, the Towson University cheerleading squad has been suspended for competition for one year for an alleged hazing incident. ESPN is notorious for highlighting the rookie hazing in NFL training camps each year.

But just as we coach our chapters with recruitment and public relations efforts, perception is reality. As long as any of our chapters haze, fraternities and sororities are an easy target. If public perception is that all of us haze the crap out of people, others' realities are that we haze the crap out of people.

However, this concept can be applied to improve our image and showcase what we're actually about. As the groups who are most often targeted, we can and should take the lead in the hazing prevention efforts in our campus communities.

One of the main differences between fraternal organizations and other student organizations is that we explicitly say we are about brother/sisterhood and building better people. As values-based organizations, it's our job to tell people what we're about and take a stand against hazing. The sustainability of our organizations is dependent upon it. These values that we stand on and talk about so often are the main reason we should be the leaders in hazing prevention. It's in our founders' ideals that we stand against hazing.

So this September, let your actions and words create a new perception. Let everyone know what we're really about.

Once Upon an Orientation

Why did you join a fraternity? What does your sorority do anyway? Do you feel like you paid for your friends?

New student orientation: a time of excitement for campuses across the country AND an opportunity to share the benefits of fraternity and sorority membership. You remember the feelings during orientation—a million things to do, tons of questions, and a mix of excitement and anxiety over every little thing. So how do you help the fraternity and sorority experience rise to the top?

Storytelling.

We’re not talking about the campfire stories or library hour gatherings. We want you to tell YOUR story. Knowing how to share your story in a succinct and compelling way instead of throwing around faceless facts will help connect sisterhood and brotherhood to potential members who could see themselves in your shoes.

One of our biggest failures in explaining fraternity and sorority life to others is this belief that brotherhood and sisterhood are impossible to explain. As leaders who have invested a lot of time and energy into our organizations, it can be difficult to break it down to the basics. Stories—your personal lived experiences—are what can connect others.

Jim Blasingame, host of the Small Business Advocate, offers the Three C’s of Storytelling: Connect, Convey, and Create. We've broken it down for you here in our new resource that you can use with your chapter, council, recruitment counselors, or even yourself!

People are moved by emotions, and throwing a bunch of facts out there is hardly effective when you could relay an experience so compelling the listener HAS to learn more. Your goal is to move a person to action, not to be a walking Google search result.

You may have 60 seconds with a potential member during an orientation session or a new student block party. Are you going to spend it spouting out statistics about GPA and intramural championships, or are you going to spend those precious seconds to tell a story worth repeating?

That's what we thought. Now go out there and share YOUR story.

The Truth About Millennials

As we near the end of graduation season, there's a lot of buzz about how Millennials handle the transition from college to the "real world." Joel Stein's TIME cover story and its accompanying online package - particularly the video of Stein living like a millennial - have been controversial, spurred many rebuttals, and sparked many conversations.

But consider this: Is he right?

The first half of Stein's story has blunt statements like "They are fame-obsessed," "They are lazy," "their development is stunted," and "they're cocky about their place in the world," which are all backed by data.

Obvi, none of these statements are positive. But here are the facts:

• More people ages 18 to 29 live with their parents than with a spouse.
• In 2007, three times as many middle school girls wanted to be a personal assistant to a famous person than a senator; four times as many chose the assistant job over CEO of a major corporation.
• People ages 18 to 29 in 2012 had less civic engagement and lower political participation than any previous group.

Many of you may be arguing "But that's not true! I'm not this way, and neither are my friends!" That's one of Stein's main points: it's not about you. 

We all know stereotypes are generalizations about groups of people, and that's exactly what Stein is doing. But since TIME is targeted at older Gen-Xers and Baby Boomers, he's trying to help older people understand Millennials as a whole.

If you keep reading while the smoke is blowing out of your ears, you can see that Stein talks about big culture changes like Millennials' propensity to innovate, try new things, and go after what they want. We also expect a flat organizational structure, need self-actualization more than money, rebel less, are more cautious, and are extremely optimistic.

So, how does this relate to fraternity/sorority life?

Think about your new members' expectations when they first join the chapter. With expectations of an accessible executive board, you will have to justify the decisions you make. Millennials rebel less because authority isn't just something they don't respect, it's something they don't acknowledge. More than ever, student leaders truly have to earn respect; members won't respect you based on title alone.

With our propensity to do new things, if you're in a culture that tolerates hazing or a disregard for risk management, this generation is going to be the catalyst to change it. Use your group of innovative members to make positive changes, harness our generation's disregard for the past, blaze that trail, and earn that legend status that Millennials crave.

P.S. Joel, while we can concede that you make many great points, stop trying to make "twixters" happen. It's not going to happen.

Our Volunteers Rock!

Have you attended CFL/NBGLC or AFLV West? Or traveled as part of a Service Immersion Trip? Did your council utilize our Awards & Assessment program? What articles in Connections, the AFLV magazine, caught your eye and made you think? However AFLV has impacted you this year, there have been volunteers supporting your experience behind the scenes.

This week is National Volunteer Appreciation Week, and we wanted to take a moment to thank our volunteers for the hard work that they do. Our volunteers work long hours and travel long distances to support the efforts of AFLV. Our Conference Committee and on-site volunteers work tirelessly to provide a top-notch experience for attendees. Awards & Assessment judges spend countless hours reviewing applications and providing feedback to councils across the country in an effort to help them perform at their highest levels. The editorial board for Connections writes, solicits, and edits articles intended to further the knowledge and understanding that our members have of what it means to be a part of a fraternity or sorority.

Although our staff has grown over the past year, our volunteers are more important than ever in ensuring AFLV fulfills its mission to provide experiences that challenge and encourage fraternity/sorority members to live ethical values and implement best practices. These volunteers support AFLV in addition to full-time jobs, family commitments, and other volunteer roles for national organizations and associations. Their time is volunteered without ever asking for anything in return. The least we can do is thank them.

If you’ve volunteered for any aspect of AFLV this year, we say thank you. Thank you for making a difference in the lives of our members. Thank you for creating growth and development opportunities for fraternities and sororities across North America. Thank you for continuing to help AFLV be a trusted and sought-out resource within the fraternal movement.

Take a minute to check out our volunteer roster, and if you know any of our volunteers, please take a moment to thank them for all that they do. Thanks again to our volunteers for helping us build AFLV!

Running Into the Fire

photo from Getty Images

If you’re like me (and most people) this week, you have been focused on the aftermath of the unthinkable events that took place on Monday during the Boston Marathon that left 176 people injured and took the lives of three others. This serves as an all-too-familiar example of senseless tragedy; one that falls within a day of the anniversary of the Virginia Tech shootings, within a week of the anniversary of Columbine, and within months of the shootings in Newtown, CT. These are just a few examples, and unfortunately, regardless of age, we could all list countless others that have happened in our lifetime.

In light of yesterday’s events, I was asked to write this blog for AFLV members and as I thought it about it, the story line became clear: the resiliency of the good always seems to overcome the intention of the bad. For those of you who could bear to watch the video from yesterday, you may have seen the same thing I saw: the countless number of people running INTO the smoke to help others. You may have heard the stories I heard: marathoners running past the finish line directly to the hospital to give blood and others tearing off articles of clothing to use as tourniquets for the wounded. After an attempt to strike paralyzing fear in the hearts and minds of the people, the resiliency of the good seemed to again overcome the intention of the bad.

Is there a connection to the fraternity/sorority experience? Maybe. Maybe there is some connection that can be made, but that seems inconsequential given the gravity of the situation in Boston and certainly that conversation can be reserved for another time and place in the future. Perhaps our focus should be on the connection of people, the connection of humanity. As I referenced above, the one image that will ultimately stick with me from yesterday are the people running in to help those who needed it. What are the situations and who are the people in our lives - in our communities- that need us to “run in”, whether in response to a tragedy or even in our normal daily lives? Will we act in those moments? Are we currently?

For those who know me, you know I have affinity for the TV show The West Wing and while that may seem trivial in this moment, a friend from Boston posted a video on my Facebook timeline Monday night from the episode 20 Hours in America. I share this video and one of its quotes with you today as a tribute of sorts:

“Every time we think we have measured our capacity to meet a challenge, we look up and we’re reminded that that capacity may well be limitless”

This blog is not about fraternity. Yes, fraternity is about helping people and doing the right thing (one great example being the men of the Phi Kappa Theta at MIT), but moreover this blog is about people, and the power of people to overcome and to help others do the same.

Additional recommended blog post: My Heart is in Boston by Steve Good, Founder of Greeks for Good.

Guest blogger: Ryan O'Rourke, AFLV Director of Education & Curriculum Design

Hashtags Gone Wrong

No, it's not a post about being smart on social media. Y'all are smart enough to know that anyone can take a picture of or screen shot anything and ruin your life (imagine what Regina George could do with Instagram).

It's about a certain hashtag we've seen trending in a negative way - #womancrushwednesday or #wcw.

We're not knocking any of the good fun that individuals that want to show their friend who they think is attractive or a celebrity crush.

The disturbing trend we have seen are fraternity chapters using their Facebook pages, Twitter accounts, or Instagram accounts to declare a woman as the chapter's Woman Crush Wednesday and talk about how hot she is.

Now let's think about the fact that these chapters are totally objectifying a woman. Think about the word "object" - you're treating someone as a thing to be looked at, analyzed, and talked about instead of like a person. It's not hard to see how this is negative.

Like, what is positive about treating people like objects? How does that match up with many fraternities' creeds that involve things like "making better men" or "being true gentlemen?"

We're not trying to pick on men. Women, the economic juggernaut that was Magic Mike and the pursuit of the M.R.S. do not make you innocent. While we don't see this trend going on with our sororities and #mancrushmonday, women are still guilty of objectifying men for their money, bodies, and status. That's also not congruent with your values of building "strong women" or striving for things that are noble, honorable, or any other words your particular motto may use.

So, here's the deal: while you make think this is funny or you truly think you're flattering someone, mayyybe you should look at the consequences and perceptions of what you're putting out there.

1. The rest of the community now thinks we're not a welcoming environment for our GLBTQ friends, brothers, and sisters. 
2. Since you're not in high school, we should act like adults and stop judging people based on their attractiveness, money, or popularity. 
3. That's not how things work in the real world. First impressions only go so far. In reality, people are judged on their actual skills, character, and personality.

So there's your grownup lesson for the day. We look forward to calling you out if you continue to make us all look bad.