Two Kinds of Tours

It is officially day two in Alabama and after a night of getting to know each other and recovering from long flights, we woke up refreshed and energized. This is definitely a good thing after the day we had. We met Marie, from the United Saints Recovery Project in the morning and she told us a little bit about what happened on April 27, 2011. After some background knowledge and facts we got into the vans and took a tour around Tuscaloosa to really see the damage that still exists within the city. At first, I did not think it was going to be that bad, until we passed the hospital and I looked to my left and saw how much damage there truly was. Houses were torn to pieces, and families just up and left their home. Marie first took us to a middle class neighborhood that was in the process of rebuilding.

As we drove down the street and saw some houses being rebuilt, there was this house on the left that was just bare boned. The outer infrastructure was gone, but some walls and things like the fire place was still intact. We got to stop at the end of the street and get out to take a look and it was something that I have never seen in my life. When I walked up to the house it became surreal. Broken china lay on the once kitchen floor, teddy bears were thrown across the yard, forks were stabbed into the wall, and sinks were in rooms where they did not belong. She showed us a middle school that had no roof and the lunch room was ripped apart. We then went to an apartment complex where the owner did not have insurance and it was in the lower income part of the city. There had been minimal cleanup to these apartments. These were not only one of the saddest things I have ever seen in my life, but also one of the worst. People just left everything in these apartments and I could only imagine that it was because they couldn’t come back after something that bad happening to them. Even the street to this apartment complex was still filled with rubble and debris. Looking at all of this made me have more compassion for these people than ever. The damage was so surreal. I think it made a lot of us emotionally upset knowing that it has been about eight months and still people haven’t been able to remove their own home’s debris. Seeing how many houses that are for sale that have yet to have any debris removed was amazing. People just left everything behind and it is sad to see that some of these people in this city were left with nothing.

After our tour around the city we switched it up on a lighter note and went and explored the University of Alabama. We got a tour in the football stadium and that was great. Once that was finished we went back into the center of the town and stared to pick up debris. We worked for about two and a half hours and cleared the front and back yard of a house. Seeing how much was on the ground still and how many roof shingles scattered about was simply amazing. This trip so far has been such a rewarding experience and it is only day two. To be able to help people who do not have the resources or ability to do it themselves is the most rewarding thing I think I could have done. To know that people are so thankful for the help is so rewarding and just to see smile on their faces is the best feeling. Seeing everything we saw today just reminds me that I am thankful for everything I have and that it truly can be lost in a minute. You have to be grateful for everything because I see this city and think of how many memories were lost and how people never really thought it could happen to them. I cannot wait or be more proud to help out this city within these next few days we have here.

Sara Ellison is a junior at Eastern Illinois University and a member of Delta Zeta Sorority.

Trust

Trust.  It’s what happens when twenty-two students who don’t know each other, from different schools, and different chapter organizations find their way to Tuscaloosa, AL for an immersion trip with little insight into the adventure they are about to take.  We weren’t really sure where exactly we were staying, or what exactly we were doing for the next week, but we packed our bags and kept our eyes peeled for Greek letters at the airport. 

Trust.  It’s what happens when you immediately open up to the stranger next to you just because you know they understand what it is like to be Greek, the stereotypes we face, and the fact that they took the same risk you did giving up a week of winter break to volunteer your time, your mind, and your values. 

I trust the people I have met today, and I am excited to learn each of their stories and to understand the common values which have brought us all here together.  And I am well on my way.

I am so appreciative of all that I have, and all that I have the opportunity to experience.  Being surrounded by such a fantastic group of students who have accomplished, and who have the potential to accomplish, so much in our community is always such an inspiring environment. 

As Greeks, we take pledges to core values that we are asked to live daily.  Discussing these values and realizing just how many of them impact our lives and who we see are to our community seems a bit daunting.  But we don’t have to take on every single value, because as Greek chapters we dedicate ourselves to a select group of core values that exemplify what we hold most important to us.  Between all of our values based organizations, we make up a Greek community that stands for excellence, that stands for compassion, that stands for service, and that represents the best of what we are capable of. 

I trust that this next week is going to challenge me, and that I am going to be asked to leave my comfort zone, but most importantly I trust that the leaders who surround me today are going to make an impact in this place. 

There is no perfect formula of values to live by, but the values that bring a group of strangers together for a week, a group of Greeks who believe in something better, is the perfect formula for creating positive change.

Madeleine Stroth is a senior at the University of Iowa and a member of Pi Beta Phi.

Tombstone vs. Totino's

The winter issue of Connections is all about 365 recruitment. As I was editing one of the articles (written by David Stollman, Laurel Peffer, and Tom Healy) this morning, the following statement struck me:

" Most chapters don’t actually recruit. They just select."

Now, I'm no recruitment expert, but this also isn't my first rodeo. Yet, I've never heard the concept put quite like this. It made me think. Using the word 'selection' assumes that you have a line (high quantity) of smart, kind, values-based, and service-oriented (high quality) people standing outside your door just waiting to be let in. We're not betting people, but we think it's safe to bet that this happens to, approximately, 0% of you.

The authors later state, "There is a difference between selecting among people that show up, and actually recruiting people to be there. Putting up flyers or planning the events isn’t recruiting." Aaahhhh, touché. 

Selection

Selection is not how you recruit members for a lifetime of membership to your fraternal organization. Frankly, it's more like how you choose which type of frozen pizza to buy. Tombstone or Totino's? Clearly, Tombstone is the better choice, but it's so much more expensive. Most of us have to wait for it to go on sale before we can afford it. When it does, we fill our carts. Totino's, on the other hand, is cheap. Soooo cheap. No one really wants to eat it but when we're standing there looking at it, next to the expensive Tombstone's, it's too easy to justify the purchase in our minds. It's as if we think that it will taste different this time. It won't be as disgusting. But, sadly, we get it home, eat it, and think, "Nope, still disgusting. I should have splurged for the Tombstone... or just forgone the frozen pizza altogether."

Recruitment

Recruitment is intentional. It's planning ahead and opting not to make rash and stupid decisions you'll later regret. The concept of 365 recruitment works for lots of reasons, but one obvious one is that it doesn't limit the choosing of members to a specific time period.

It's kind of like budgeting. Back to the pizza. You know you like Tombstone . Therefore, every time you go to the grocery store, you check the price. If it's not on sale, you don't buy any. If it is on sale, you do. Even if you know you already have a few in your freezer at home. You'll know you'll eat them eventually. However, every once in a while, you've got a big craving so you splurge for just one, even if it's full price. It's that good and you can afford to do it every once in a while. This approach allows you to skip the Totino's totally. You've finally realized that just because you can get a bunch of them for cheap and fill your freezer with "food" doesn't mean you'll enjoy eating them when the time comes to do so. You know now that buying them is a facade; sure, you'll have a freezer full of pizzas, but they're disgusting.

Membership recruitment is similar. There is no way we're going to be exposed to every qualified potential member during the weeks of formal recruitment. We've got to be checking in on people all year long and invite them to join when the opportunity arises. If we simply try to frantically fill our chapters during the one or two weeks a year, we're just going to end up with too many sub-par members. Sure, we've got the largest chapter on campus - but look at the members.

Stollman, Peffer, and Healy's article has nothing to do with pizza, but it's a good read nonetheless. Surely after reading this, we've got you on the edge of your seat waiting for the issue to come out next month.

In the Land of What If...

Following is an excerpt from the acceptance speech given by Mark Koepsell, AFLV Executive Director, at the Annual Meeting of the Association of Fraternity/Sorority Advisors this past Saturday evening. Mark was this year's recipient of the Jack L. Anson Award, one of the Association's highest honors. The Anson Award is presented annually to a well-respected individual not in the field of higher education, who has demonstrated a long-term commitment to the fraternity/sorority community beyond his/her respective organization. At the ceremony, Mark was congratulated for his partnerships with higher education and the interfraternal community, his efforts in making positive change to advance the fraternal movement, and his role modeling to students and professionals in fraternity/sorority life.

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It's (my) collective (network) that inspires me. This huge network of individuals and organizations provides my fuel. And, it's from here I have gained the viewpoints and perspective that I have. Many of you have heard me speak on strategic planning, change management, and other general leadership topics. One thing that is always consistent in those presentations is my transparency about my love of a little place I like to call 'The Land of What If.' Just ask the AFLV staff and Board, I speak enthusiastically about visiting there in almost every conversation. Tonight I welcome you to join me in a quick journey to The Land of What If.

These comments are presented in the form of tweets. 140 characters or less providing a glimpse into The Land of What If. Sometimes there is as much power in the right question as there is in the answer. I'm not pretending to have all these answers, but I do believe the questions will at least get us thinking about where we need to go.

• #WHATIF we spent our undergraduate years preparing for a lifetime of membership in the org & didn't get initiated until we graduated?
• #WHATIF there actually was a minimum standard for members & chapters and real consequences for falling short? #greekchat
• #WHATIF all campus F/S award programs actually measured meaningful outcomes instead of rewarding the most creative writers?
• #WHATIF Fraternity/Sorority advisors weren't so often the youngest directors in the division of student affairs? #sachat
• #WHATIF the staff to student ratio for Greeks looked more like we find in most residence life programs on campuses? #sachat
• #WHATIF we didn't need an org like the @FraternalValues in our communities because 100% values alignment was already achieved?
• #WHATIF every chapter had the conviction, motivation, talent, and drive that we find in most colonies?
• #WHATIF new member education truly prepared men & women for a life of values based action? @preventhazing
• #WHATIF all F/S members valued making a positive global impact as much as they do the fun of brotherhood and sisterhood? #ServiceImmersion
• #WHATIF the money raised through F/S philanthropy all actually made its way to the advertised beneficiaries? #greekchat
• #WHATIF philanthropy wasn't so often a sorry excuse for another social event and members actually believed in the cause more than the path? 
• #WHATIF we had a better vehicle for grassroots fundraising and support of causes within the fraternal market? @GreeksForGood
• #WHATIF the behavioral expectations & enforcement were the same at the #AFA2011AM as they are at undergrad conferences? #CFLNBGLC #WFLNCGLC
• #WHATIF F/S professionals stopped prioritizing their largest efforts into Greek Week, Homecoming, and Formal Recruitment? #greekchat
• #WHATIF Headquarters and campuses agreed that what matters most is building an environment that supports the + development of our students?
• #WHATIF there were grants available to help individuals & orgs focus on efforts that can make a real difference in the fraternal world?
• #WHATIF we built a system that allowed House Directors to play a valuable role as support mechanisms and paraprofessionals?
• #WHATIF all our chapters could prove that membership would positively impact retention and GPA? #GammaSigmaAlpha #OrderofOmega
• #WHATIF professionals didn't see F/S advising as an entry-level job or stepping stone to something "more important"?
• #WHATIF universities valued the profession at a level where there was upward movement available without leaving the field?
• #WHATIF F/S professionals  spent more time creating sustainable change & less time in stupid meetings talking about it?
• #WHATIF we worried less about who is "taking over the world" and focused more on who is "getting good things done"?
• #WHATIF Fraternities/Sororities could PROVE their worth to higher education at a level where they were begging for more? #FraternalRelevance
• #WHATIF F/S professionals were more actively engaged in the higher education arena? (That means IN ADDITION to fraternal matters) #sachat
• #WHATIF F/S professionals were conducting more research and assessment to better illustrate the validity and worth of the experience?
• #WHATIF our chapters were known as places of tolerance & acceptance as opposed to exclusivity & petri dishes for the 'isms' that plague us?
• #WHATIF we had less fewer silos & more orgs working collaboratively to create F/S that are the most trusted orgs of integrity and ethics?
• #WHATIFI actually felt comfortable that my daughters could join ANY sorority chapter & enjoy a developmentally rewarding experience?
• #WHATIF all of our members understood that true leadership exists in doing the right thing and isn't related to power or position?
• #WHATIF we spent more time figuring out how to effectively recruit & support alum volunteers as coaches & mentors?
• #WHATIF we provided tools to every member to step up in the face of controversy & ridicule for the pursuit of values? @FraternalValues
• #WHATIF it were nearly impossible to win the Shaffer or Anson Award until the twilight of your career? #dontthinkimnotgrateful
• #WHATIF every F/S community & office was inclusive & supportive of EVERY org that we represent? #NALFO #NAPA #NPHC #NMGC
• #WHATIF all fraternities created a culture of respect for women instead of a den of hyper-masculine attitudes & behaviors?
• #WHATIF alcohol didn't have a place in our houses were a majority of members are underage anyway? @PhiDelt #substancefreehousing
• #WHATIF the only thing synonymous with 'frat move' equaled actions that are the highest in character and values? @Combat_Frat
• My quest is not only to dream of the land of #WHATIF but to find the path to get there. Do you want to be part of that journey? #LandOfWhatIf

Thank you again for bestowing this incredible honor onto me. Thank you for providing me the opportunity to work in a field where I find such passion, commitment, and dedication by those around me. Thank you for allowing me to do what I love every day.

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And, we think we can speak for everyone in thanking Mark for working to make our fraternal world a better place.

Spider-Man on Being Thankful

The phrase, "With great power comes great responsibility" is most often attributed to Peter Parker's (more commonly known as Spider-Man) Uncle Ben. 

As a series of holidays approach us (Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, the winter solstice, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year, and others) it's that time of year when most take a moment to reflect and find time to be grateful for what we have.

As fraternity and sorority members, we have a lot. Namely, enormous amounts of privilege. In fact, we are probably the most privileged people in the United States. We are [literally] the most affluent and educated people around. For this alone, we should be grateful. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, we hope you'll give thanks for this.

However, with this overwhelming privilege comes great responsibility. Privilege equates to power - and we should use it wisely and for doing good. As people, and more specifically as members of a fraternity or sorority, we're committed to making the world a better place. Social justice theory indicates those with privilege ought to acknowledge it and understand how it has benefitted them... and, furthermore,  take action to end the oppression of others. We agree.

Approximately 36% of American adults have earned a bachelor's degree. What do you suppose is the percentage of members of a fraternal organizations who have earned a bachelors degree? Basically it's 100%. This one is a bit of a softball since membership coincides with college enrollment and usually you have to graduate to become an alumna/us. Sure there are a few exceptions, but you get the idea.

What about further education? Studies vary, but most report approximately 7 or 8% of Americans have earned a master's degree and around 3% have earned a terminal degree (Ph.D., JD, MD, etc.). We don't  know the percentage of those graduates who are members of a fraternal organization, but we know it's a safe bet that it's impressive.

How are you using your education to help others and make the world a better place?

What about affluence? Which came first: the affluence or the affiliation? Although we think it's more likely the former, it can surely work both ways. We know that many members of fraternities and sororities have a foundation of privilege that others don't have. But, we also know we have networks and support structures that aide us in success after college graduation and throughout life. Maybe this means a sweeter first job (or simply a job in today's economy), a bigger raise, or a an invite to play golf with the boss (who's a sister in the bond). Sure, not all enter high-paying professions, but affluence doesn't only refer to financial wealth. It also includes social capital and, simply, access to resources.

How are you using your affluence and access to resources to help others and make the world a better place?

Maybe it's a bit heavy. Yes, privilege can sometimes feel like a gift and other times like a great burden. Ending homelessness or hunger is a giant feat to consider; it's scary to even think about such an undertaking, perhaps. But, when we consider the millions - yes millions - of affluent and educated fraternity men and sorority women in the world, it's actually reasonable. Think of a cause that's important to you. Think big.

Uncle Ben knew what he was talking about when he warned Peter about taking his new spider-like skills seriously. And, as a result, Spider-Man famously used his powers for good rather than evil.  

Are you?

The Price of Bystander Behavior: What We Can Learn from Penn State

No matter how you feel about the current allegations of perjury and misconduct by leadership in Happy Valley, one thing is clear:

You cannot afford to be a bystander, ever.  Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

We don't care if you're a freshman member of a fraternal organization or one of the winningest coaches of all time.  By joining a fraternal organization, you've made an unspoken pact to uphold its values 24/7.  And, there is a hefty price tag attached when you choose not to. 

Look at wide receiver coach Mike McQueary. Then a graduate assistant, he testified under oath that he saw an illegal and immoral act take place in the showers of the football building, yet the details of whether or not he did anything to stop it are unclear.  McQueary had an opportunity to put his #valuesinaction, and now, because his own words indicate he did nothing beyond telling his father and his professional superior, the quality of his character and validity of his career are called to question.

Based on what we know so far, even if Coach Joe Paterno may have done the right thing legally - it appears he didn't do the right thing morally.  When you choose to do act in a tough situation, you have to be sure you've done more than just enough, you must ensure you've done all you can with concern to both legal and values-based consequences.

By the way, Paterno is a member of a fraternity - so he is doubly obligated to act and follow-up, through both his fraternal oath and professional commitment.

Every time you avoid or lie about a situation in which your values have been compromised, plan on getting more than you bargained for.  If you're not particularly savvy with calculations, let us help you do the math.

Action	Cost
Avoid the Situation	$ Guilt $ Credibility $ Self Respect $ Integrity $ Lies to cover your inaction (See below)
Lie about the Situation	$ Multiply the above by four $ Respect/trust of others $ Value of your hard work and education to get where you are $ Ability to continue in your chosen profession or path $ Fear of being found out
Do the minimum required (legally or morally)	$ Others question your values commitment and ethics $ Being remembered by this choice, rather than your accomplishments $ Trust from those who formerly believed in you

If you're not acting to stop behavior that doesn't align with your values, or you are currently avoiding or covering something up because you're scared, ask yourself:

Is it worth it?

Consider Your Costume Themes... and not only on Halloween

If you go to college, work at a college/university, or know people who fit into either of these groups (that's pretty much everyone who might read this), you've probably seen this poster in circulation.

This call to be thoughtful in Halloween costume selection was initially made by a student group at Ohio University called Students Teaching About Racism in Society (STARS) and it's good. It's getting tons of national press for all the right reasons.

Today is Halloween and by now, most have already chosen their costumes if you're going to wear one. Yes, choose your costume thoughtfully. This is not new news.

What this poster made us think more about, however, is the fact that fraternity and sorority members have lots more opportunities to wear costumes than the average college student. For some reason, a culture has been established where party/event + costume/theme = AWESOME.

For the record, we love costumes. So much that we've considered the concept of 'costume Friday' instead of 'casual Friday' here at the office. Okay, that's not really true, but you get the picture. We're into dressing up.

To us, one of the larger conversations that needs to be tied to this campaign is this: what themes are you choosing for your chapter events where costumes are involved?

Let's think of a few popular ones:

Cowboys and Indians

Dressing up like 'Indians' (and, really, you probably shouldn't use that term in most areas of the U.S.) is not only offensive, it's almost always incorrect. The garb that American Indians wear for spiritual ceremony is sacred. No American Indian wears feathers and moccasins as their daily clothing. The wearing of feathers has deep spiritual meaning. For example, they might be worn by chiefs to symbolize their communication with the Spirit and to express their celestial wisdom.

Other themes that may offend a culture:

• Cinco de Mayo
• White Trash Bash (fraternity/sorority members are the most affluent college students in America - basically this is like saying "let's dress like poor people!" That's really not that funny.)
• Homeless Ball (see above)

Pimps 'N Ho's

Do you even know what a pimp is? Sure, the word has become casual slang and probably you're not using it literally when and if you do, but here's what's wrong with pimps. The pimp/ho relationship is abusive and possessive. Physical and psychological manipulation, starvation, rape (including gang rape), beating, forced drug use, and shame are all commonly used techniques to establish the culture that the pimp owns (literally) the prostitute. Prostitutes have sex with five, ten, twenty (or more) strangers a day, every day. Besides the sheer numbers involved, some of those strangers are going to use a person in ways that are bizarre, painful, disturbing, humiliating, and occasionally fatal. And, to boot, they don't even get to keep the money paid - it all goes to the pimp.

There are lots of renditions that are basically the same as Pimps 'N Ho's:

• Bro's 'N Ho's
• Catholic School Girl/Principal
• CEO's and Secretaries
• Playboy mansion
• Lingerie party
• Pajama party (It's not like you think the ladies will show up wearing bathrobes, fellas, we know what you're hoping for.)
• Dirty Doctors/Naughty Nurses

What do all these themes have in common? The woman is the slut. The men get to wear (basically) normal clothes and the women dress scantily clad. Any rendition that glorifies the dominant male and provocative female should be reconsidered. Ideally, because of the dangerous roles they perpetuate - but in the least because of this: lots of people stereotype fraternity and sorority members to be more promiscuous than the average college student - why purposefully perpetuate that stereotype?

Maybe we're overestimating your intellect. Maybe these themes aren't plays on power and sex. Maybe it's simply a group of adolescent men's efforts to get a whole slew of women to come over dressed in practically nothing. But, seriously how juvenile is that? If you have to have a slutty party theme to get to see a lady in her undies, that's your problem.

As you can see, we're not just talking about being politically correct, we're talking about some serious issues, folks. Sure, we get it, wearing a pimp costume doesn't mean you're actively advocating for sex trafficking and rape. But here's what it DOES mean: you're either ignorant to the issue or you know about it and simply don't give a damn. Either way, this spells out P-R-O-B-L-E-M.

Sorority ladies, sick of people saying you're a bunch of sluts? Fraternity men, sick of people assume you've committed a date rape? Besides the obvious - stop doing these types of actions (if you are). But also, consider stopping sexualizing your date parties, for starters.

Finally, if you're reading this and thinking, "that's an awesome theme idea! We're going to use it!" We have two reactions:

1. Get real
2. Don't