Are we holding the movement back?

As we wrap up another busy academic term, something has been weighing on my mind lately. Something that I've seen it from a whole different perspective this year over on "this side of the fence". As a professional in the field for just seven short years now, unfortunately, I've seen my fair share of fraternity and sorority advising professionals come and go. Many times, I am sad to see them leave so quickly. Sometimes, I'm glad they are getting out of the way.

Far to often, we hold ourselves, and the larger fraternal movement back. We do not hold ourselves accountable to the standards we want our students, our councils, and our organizations to achieve. We do not role model good behavior for our students. We do not challenge ourselves and our organizations. Much like many of our undergraduate chapters, we have the social part down pat, and fill in the other pieces when it is necessary.

Now do not get me wrong. There are lots of fantastic professionals out there. Professionals I am proud to call colleagues and friends. Professionals I enjoy seeing several times a year, and count on for advice and support. Professionals I know will challenge me to bring my "A" game all the time. However, sometimes the bad apples outshine the whole group.

Campus based professionals often get to enjoy traveling with students, which always presents some unique situations and bonding moments. I always enjoyed the opportunity to get to know my student leaders on a different level, and participate in lots of conversation over the course of a weekend about things we could do as a campus, as well as their individual dreams. For me, this was never a time to drink or get drunk with my students, skip conference sessions with my students, head to the beach, or to sleep in. Sadly, for some, it is exactly that kind of experience. If you're going to act like that, I'd rather you send your students to the conference alone.

And what a shame that is. Those student leaders missed out on the chance to spend some time with a great professional who could show them a different side of fraternity/sorority life and lifelong membership. They missed some good messages from nationally known speakers in sessions. And they stopped taking us seriously. You see, it makes it harder for all of us to hold students, organizations, and our peers accountable when individuals act this way. It is sad. Makes me wonder how they behave when they get back to campus. I don't think I want to know. This is just one of the ways we are holding back the very movement we spend tireless hours advancing. I think we can do better next year. Don't you?

Hitting the Panic Button Sooner

I recently attended a meeting for an organization. Later that evening over dinner, I was talking to one of the board members about his involvement with developing leaders, specifically MBA students. He said to me in a conversation, "Leaders need to hit the panic button sooner."

The problem is that leaders often hit the panic button to late, or not at all. At that point, the end result is inevitable. There's very little you or anyone else can do to alter or shape the outcome.

Think about that.

What happens when you hit the panic button early? While some might argue that it's like "crying wolf", as I reflect on my own experiences, hitting the panic button sooner got me in to action to have an impact and revise the final version of events.

It gave me time to critically think. It allowed me to phone a friend. To get advice.

Worst case: it often feels like things weren't as big of a deal as I thought.
Best case: I can step in and help influence the outcome.

It's sage advice - as leaders - we need to hit the panic button sooner.

Wear Sunscreen

May has rolled around again, and it is time for the Class of 2010 to head out into the world and tackle the next adventure in life. This past weekend, I attended my youngest brother's commencement ceremonies with all of my family (alumni of six Inter/National organizations are represented in this picture!). As the baby of family, this was a day my parents have been anticipating for years. Congratulations on your big raise Mom and Dad!


This particular ceremony was a bit on the longer side, so between the games of Brick-Breaker and Words with Friends, and of course a little bit of obligatory FBing, my other siblings and I had some time to chat and catch up on life. One of the questions posed was "If you were giving the commencement speech, what would you say?". Good question! We joked about wearing sunscreen (does that date me?) and a few other ideas, and then went back to paying attention to the never-ending parade of graduates crossing the stage.


Over the course of the past few days, I've reflected a bit more on the pomp and circumstance of graduation weekend, the words and challenges shared with the graduates in the commencement addresses (perhaps just one would make the ceremony shorter?), and the opportunity that lies in front of us as fraternity men and sorority women. How many young alumni are we turning out into the world this year? What impact will their undergraduate involvement have on their future life experiences? How will they help to shape the future of our fraternal organizations and the potential we have to make change in our world? How have our institutions and organizations aided in preparing them for this day? What tools have we provided? If I may, I have a few pieces of advice for our new graduates:


* Stay connected! These days, it is easier than ever to be in touch with your undergraduate chapter, local alumni chapters, and your broader organization. Like them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, and sign up for any listservs or electronic communication that are available. Keep your address up to date to receive information about local events and opportunities.

* Volunteer! Did your organzation support a cause that spoke to you in a particular way? Get involved! Financial resources might be tight at this point in your life, but you can probably scrounge up an extra hour or two to dedicate to a good cause.

* Mentor others! Have you landed a great job as a result of connections or networks you were a part of? Now it is time for you to return the favor. Assist undergraduate brothers or sisters with internship opportunities, opportunities for networking, and career-related events.

* Meet new friends! If you are moving to a new city, find out if there is a local alumni group already established. If there isn't, work with your organization to reach out to those in the area. Don't be afraid to interact with other generations - there will be value in the interaction! Sometimes we forget that our organization exists beyond our campus - I promise there are lots of other great individuals out there to meet.

* Live your values! Make us proud of you, your accomplishments, and all you will go on to achieve in life. Remember that you are "always wearing your letters" even though you are no longer an active member of an undergraduate chapter.

* Don't be that guy (or girl)! You all know who I am talking about here. Don't go back to visit your chapter and buy booze for the freshman. It might seem cool at the time, but it isn't. Certainly do not participate in any activities that are harmful or hazardous to health (and challenge/report those that are!). Don't attend every single social event next year. Don't use the words "we always did it this way" or "that will never work". Let others lead. You might even learn something.

In addition to always wearing your suncreen, go out into the world and celebrate your achievements. Remember that your journey has only just begun. Take advantage of opportunities to engage with your organization at various stages in your life, and share your involvement with others. We look forward to seeing what the class of 2010 can accomplish as you pick up that diploma, pack up your bags, and set out to embody the values of your organization and show them to the world. Congratulations!

I'm Anti FML

A friend of mine and I were recently discussing a growing trend on Facebook and Twitter.

It's the use of FML.

For those of you who don't know about FML, you can learn more here.

So I have to say, "Really?"

Let me just make this point. If you are using a computer or a cell phone to update your Facebook or Twitter status to include FML, then you have no business even saying or using FML.

All the individuals, people, and situations that deserve to be able to say FML don't have access to these.

Are you really going to say FML in the face of others who are experiencing tragedy like families and businesses in Nashville with flooding or families and business near the Gulf with the major oil spill?

P.S. You're a college student which = privilege. We expect more of you. Get it together.

What to wear?

As the semester wraps up, end of year banquets take place, students take finals and our attention begins to turn to the summer months. Summertime brings inter/national organization conventions and leadership schools, as well as regional and national events geared towards fraternity and sorority student leaders and emerging leaders. Young men and women across the country also work hard to prepare for fall recruitment periods.

About this time of year, materials start to appear that have puzzled me since my freshman year of college as a new member: the list (usually with pictures, or now links!) of what to wear! This list might be for a sorority convention, or it might be for Panhellenic recruitment. I have to give the men some credit here, I've yet to see a guide to clothing for men for one of these events (although I am sure it exists somewhere).

Now, I might be a bit off base here, but I'm pretty sure I've been able to dress myself appropriately since about the age of two. I might not always be sporting the latest off -the-runway style, but for the most part, I think I manage to do ok. Yet our chapters, councils, and national organizations still spend time putting together a lovely list of things for us to wear to these events. Why? I could think of a million other productive, positive things that could be done with that time instead. How about just a simple note about the attire - i.e. business casual, formal, ritual - and call it done? I don't need pictures. Or descriptions. Think about it: Did anyone get a packet from their institution the summer before their freshman year with pictures of what was appropriate to wear?

I am 100% percent certain that I did not make my Panhellenic formal recruitment decision based on whether or not every woman in the chapter was wearing the exact same pair of black pants with matching silver jewelry. In fact, I ran far and fast from those chapters. Why? Because I think that is just a little bit scary. As our friends at PhiredUp would say, "BE MORE NORMAL". I wonder what would happen if we all just wore nice, non-matchy-matchy clothes to formal recruitment. Would our numbers drop? Or would they increase? What if we never had to have another "dress check" again? What could we do with that time?

Now I'm not saying we need to stop wearing our letters, and color coordinated t-shirts, and all that jazz - I get that some of that is an important part of your chapter or council's identity, especially during recruitment. And it helps to showcase our membership to the entire campus. I am saying that sending out detailed documents with pictures to college educated women to help them determine what to pack/wear/buy for recruitment or an organization event is just a bit silly. Let's leave the fashion advice to reality TV and focus our efforts on more substantive subjects.

Honesty Isn't Good Enough

Students often confuse honesty with doing the right thing.

I'm here to tell you. That's just isn't correct and it's not good enough.

While I do believe being honest is important and the right thing to do, it only goes half way toward really doing the right thing.

Being honest is just the 101 level of leadership. If you can't even be honest, then you have no business calling yourself a leader, claiming you are one, or pretending you are one. If you aren't honest, then don't even start to waste my time. It even pains me that I need to type this. And as much as I want to "learn" you - you'll learn it fast enough in your job, your relationships, your family. How many times have you caused or experienced pain because someone wasn't honest?

But so many students think if they are just honest with you about what is really going on then they should be let off the hook. Again, that's just incorrect.

Just because you're honest with the police officer that you were speeding, doesn't mean you weren't still breaking the law.

In fact, I think that's a good new fill in the blank game for members of fraternities and sororities:

Just because you were honest with _______ that you were _______, doesn't mean you weren't/aren't still _______.

While I can appreciate it would be nice to live in a world where you got to do whatever you want whenever you wanted without any consequences, that isn't the world we all live in.

Now stop acting as if it's your "right" to do whatever you want - it's not true and it certainly isn't leadership.

Best of Busted!

Pot Case Spurs Closing of Fraternity

“Members of the University of Iowa’s Delta Upsilon fraternity must find new lodging after the international fraternity announced it would close the chapter because of an alleged marijuana right in the house… Four Delta Upsilon members were charged in December with drug violations after police raided the fraternity house and found 650 grams of marijuana, cash, packing materials, scales and drug deal ledgers, court records state.” The four members “have each been charged with possession and/or conspiracy to deliver marijuana and failure to affix required tax-stamps to the drugs. Both charges are felonies punishable by up to five years in prison and a $7,500 fine”

Seriously! Where can we even start with this? Not only has an 82 year old chapter been disbanded, but four members of the chapter are facing felony drug charges. While the alleged actions of the four accused members in this case may have been personal decisions with personal consequences, their connection to the fraternity is the responsibility of every chapter member who may have known that something like this was up. Someone had to know that something was up! If, at best, we give the chapter the benefit of the doubt, we can assume that none of the brothers were being supplied by this cache, much less knew about it all…. But, come on, how is it possible to conduct a “marijuana ring” such as this without the knowledge (and acceptance) of the chapter?

It appears to us that no one felt it was their responsibility or duty to put the interests of the fraternity above the interests of the drug selling members. Why would ANYONE choose to protect these men above the fraternity? We think some members would say it was about ‘brotherhood’. This is surely one of the biggest cop-outs ever heard, but, unfortunately, we have all heard this argument before. Is this really what brotherhood has become? Nothing more than having the back of your brother, regardless of the morality or legality of his actions? That’s crap.

True, the chapter probably didn’t know about the alleged proclivities of these four men when they were offered a bid and initiated. The chapter probably couldn’t stop a member from using drugs much less from allegedly selling them. However, the chapter did have the power to stop these men from allegedly storing and selling drugs in the chapter house. If this chapter stood up and took definitive action to eradicate this behavior from the organization, the outcome may have been different. This chapter might have been around for an 83rd year. When the members of this chapter chose to potentially value their brotherhood and loyalty to the four men that threatened their chapter more than they valued their chapter, there was no turning back. Nice one.

Reference
Jordan, E. (2008, January 22) Pot case spurs closing of U of I fraternity. Des Moines Register. Retrieved March 4, 2008 from: http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080122/NEWS02/801220393/0/ENT01